


I Know This Whole Damn City Thinks It Needs You (But Not As Much As I Do)

by robin_writes



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: After the Island, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I don't think a veteran companion is a real thing but it totally should be, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, No Arrow, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, a veteran companion is like a sober companion, felicity is a veteran companion, he spent all five years on the island, like from Elementary, oliver's messed up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-09 19:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17413136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_writes/pseuds/robin_writes
Summary: Oliver comes back from Lian Yu damaged. He's not sure if he's worth saving. But his mother seems to think he is. She hires Felicity, a veteran companion, to help him get back to some kind of normal. But their bond goes beyond companion and client.





	1. Oliver

Oliver always thought that when he got back to civilisation, he would feel enclosed and trapped. But nothing could be further from the truth. Being in the tiny hospital room surrounded by other rooms in the hospital in his hometown made Oliver feel comforted. He was home. And he had survived.

He thought the walls would feel suffocating, but they felt protective. He was safe from the elements and he was safe from Lian Yu.

His mother had come to the airport to meet him. Moira Queen was just as he remembered, dressed up in her perfect pencil skirt, blouse and blazer, not a hair out of place. Her makeup perfect despite the late hour. 

Right now, she was standing out in the hallway talking with his doctor. Oliver strained to hear their conversation. “Not the Oliver you lost” “scar tissue over twenty percent of his body” Oliver heard snippets. The doctor wasn’t wrong, he just didn’t want anybody to know.

In his second year on Lian Yu, Oliver had made it his mission to get back to Starling City to save it from his father’s business partners. The small book was poking out of the duffel bag he had been given for his clothes before he changed into the hospital gown. 

But since that year, he had been beaten, broken and starved. Oliver wasn’t that man anymore. He wanted to save the city, but he wasn’t fit to. He couldn’t even save himself. 

Oliver waited for Moira to come back into his room. He turned to watch her. “Thea should be here soon, I talked to the doctor and he said you can come home tomorrow.” She said. She looked worried, which was worrying for Oliver because he had never seen her like that before.

Moira took a seat by his bedside and reached out her hand towards his. Oliver flinched away, looking apologetic at the flash of hurt that crossed Moira’s face. “It’s my fault.” She said and didn’t try to reach out for him again.

He waited, staring at the door, for his baby sister. He left when she was twelve. A seventeen year old girl who looked like his sister but also didn’t stood hesitantly in the doorway. “Ollie?” She whispered. “I didn’t know if I could believe it.” Thea took a step into the room. “You’ve been gone for so long.” She looked at him like she was waiting for him to say something. “Has he said anything at all?” She asked her mother.  
“No.” Moira said, her voice cracking with emotion. Oliver just watched them from his position on the bed.

He was allowed to go home the next day. When Moira called them a car, the man tried to take his duffel bag, but Oliver took a step back and gripped it so tightly his fingers turned white. “That’s not necessary.” Moira said, watching the display.

They both climbed into the car, Oliver holding the bag on his lap. Moira looked at him strangely before turning her attention to the window. 

It didn’t take long at all to get back to the Queen mansion. Oliver followed his mother inside, side-eying the guards as he passed them. He shifted uncomfortably.

Moira told him his room was just as he left it, Oliver took his bag up and walked inside. It was exactly as he left it, there wasn’t even a thin layer of dust along the surfaces. 

Oliver was tired. He dropped his bag, stripped out of his clothes and pulled on cotton pajama pants. And then he crawled into bed. It was like heaven.

He couldn’t sleep straight away because of the unfamiliar nature of the softness of a mattress and silk sheets compared to the cold, hard ground he had been used to sleeping on. But eventually he drifted off. 

After a few hours, the nightmares started. It was the Queen’s Gambit going down. Oliver watched as Sara was sucked out through the hole in his cabin. And then he watched as she was sucked out of the Amazo. He watched his father shooting himself in the head. He watched as his hands buried his father under large stones to protect his body from the birds. And then he watched all of his friends die. Yao Fei. Slade, twice. Shado. 

Oliver screamed as he felt the water dragging him down, arms powerless against the pull. He could feel the water filling his lungs. His body stopped moving, muscles stopped cooperating and then the world faded out. He woke up when he died.

Someone was the other side of his door. They were turning the handle. “Stop!” He yelled. It was the first thing he had said in days. His voice was hoarse from disuse.  
“Ollie…” It was Thea. The door handle stopped moving.  
“Don’t. Just… stay outside.” He said, coming over to the door. He dragged the chest of drawers over to block the door.  
“Are you okay?” She asked. Oliver didn’t know how to answer that. He didn’t want to burden her but she didn’t deserve to be lied to.  
“Just go back to sleep.” He said after a moment.  
“Fine.” He listened to her footsteps stalk down the hall.

After that night, Oliver made sure to always move the drawers in front of the door. He couldn’t be trusted. And God only knows what would’ve happened if Thea had come in.

Once, Slade had woken him from a nightmare by shaking his shoulder. But Oliver, still asleep, had reached out and started to choke Slade. If he hadn’t been the fighter he was, Slade could’ve died.

Oliver didn’t know what he would’ve done if he had accidentally killed Thea. 

For the next few weeks, Oliver only moved from his bed to move the chest of drawers back and forth and to go to the bathroom. He slept a lot, on and off mostly, catching a few hours before the nightmares could start up.

But he heard Moira and Walter Steele, the interim CEO of Queen Consolidated, talking about him one night. “I’ve never seen him like this before.” Moira said.  
“I know it’s hard, but Oliver has to deal with this in his own way.”  
“It’s depression. That’s got to be it, right?” She sounded really worried.  
“Moira, if Oliver wanted to die, or even felt like it was an option, he wouldn’t have fought so hard to survive. It couldn’t have been easy for five years. He’ll get better. He’s your son.”

Oliver swallowed thickly, was he depressed? Did he want to live? He wasn’t sure. 

About four days after Oliver overheard their conversation, Moira barged into his bedroom. She noticed the scrape marks and raised her eyebrow. “Enough is enough Oliver. You can’t live in this bed forever. I understand that you need time, but it’s been almost a month and you’re like a ghost. I was given a phone number by your doctor at Starling General for a veteran companion. The doctor thinks it is a good idea and frankly, I’m not sure what else I can do. The companion is coming round to meet you in an hour. Take a shower. Get dressed. Raisa will bring you breakfast.” As Moira talked, she pulled open the thick curtains letting the light spill in. She left the room.

Oliver groaned. He wasn’t a veteran. He didn’t need a veteran companion, whatever the hell that was. But he knew better than to argue with his mother.

Oliver dragged himself out of bed and took a shower. It was nice on his muscles, the harsh stream massaged the tension away. Once he was clean, Oliver found a pair of clean pajama pants and a grey tshirt. He pulled them on and climbed back into bed.

There was a knock at the door. “Mr Oliver, I have your breakfast.” It was Raisa.  
“You can come in.” He said. Raisa came in with a tray of toast, fruit and coffee. “Thank you Raisa.” She placed it on the table next to his bed and then stepped out of the room. Oliver picked at the fruit, but didn’t touch anything else.

He wondered exactly why his mother thought he needed a veteran companion when he had never seen war before. Oliver understood that his mother felt helpless, he felt helpless too, but this wasn’t a solution, it was just another problem.

Another knock sounded at the door. “Oliver, can we come in?” It was his mother.  
“Yes.” He called back. 

Moira stepped into the bedroom, looking annoyed to see him still in bed. “I thought I told you to shower.” She said.  
“I did.” He replied, teeth gritted.  
“Oliver, this is Felicity Smoak, the veteran companion.” Moira stepped to the side to reveal a blonde woman. 

She was wearing a bright green dress and shifted nervously where she stood. “It’s nice to meet you Oliver.” She held her hand out for him to shake. He did and then sat back against the headboard. Moira disappeared, leaving them alone.  
“What exactly does a veteran companion do?” He asked.  
“I’m usually live-in. I help with re-acclimation into society. I also help with emotional issues or physical ones. I’m here for whatever you need.” She said kindly.  
“I’m not a veteran.” He said.  
“No, but I think you need me anyway.” Felicity said.


	2. Felicity

Felicity was in between clients. She was working on a project for her future start up Smoak Technologies. It wasn’t fully formed because she didn’t have enough money, but after a few more clients, Felicity would be able to rent office space and work full time on her projects. And maybe she could hire an assistant.

But for now, she worked as a veteran companion. It was important work, she thought that once people left the military, they were often cut off. A huge amount ended up on the streets, and a lot of veterans ended up with mental health problems. It was a noble cause. It just didn’t make a lot of money, which was what she needed right now.

Felicity’s phone rang. It was Anna, a doctor she worked with who often sent clients her way. “Hi Anna, what’s up?”   
“Hey Felicity, I passed your phone number onto someone.” Anna seemed hesitant.  
“Okay…” Felicity said, Anna was nothing if not well meaning. Felicity knew that Anna had to have a good reason for being hesitant.  
“It was Moira Queen.”  
“What? Why?” Felicity was confused. Moira Queen had never been to war, and neither had her husband or son… Her son.  
“It’s Oliver Queen, they found him.”  
“He’s not a veteran Anna.”  
“I know, but he might as well be. He’s in bad shape Felicity. She might not even call, but I felt like I should give you the heads up.”  
“Thanks. But they have so much money they can pay for anyone, people who have degrees and decades of experience, and I need to stay available for actual veterans.”  
“I understand, but you should consider it if Moira calls. Oliver is a mess of scars, and he hasn’t said a word yet. I think he needs you.”  
“Okay. I’ll consider it. But I’m not promising anything.” Felicity conceded. She was intrigued.

Moira doesn’t call Felicity for almost a month. Felicity forgets the conversation between her and Anna after a week. But Felicity hadn’t received any other calls about being a companion for anybody. So she was mostly working on her smart home security system for Smoak Technologies, and looking into prospective investors.

And then one morning, Felicity was getting dressed when her phone rang. It was her work phone. “Hello, this is Felicity Smoak.” She said professionally, not at all like she was standing in her bra and skirt.  
“Felicity Smoak, my name is Moira Queen. The doctor, I forget her name, gave me your phone number. She said you were a veteran companion and that you could help my son.”  
“Yes, I remember her telling me.”  
“Would you be able to meet him this morning? Money is no object and I’m sick and tired of his behaviour.”  
“What kind of behaviour?” Felicity asked, skipping over Moira’s question.  
“He won’t leave his room. He barricades himself in at night. He barely eats and showers. He doesn’t talk a lot. He’s already been home for four weeks and he’s not getting better.”  
“I can meet him, but if we aren’t a good match, I could end up hindering his progress.”  
“What progress? He barely leaves his bed.”  
“I can be there in half an hour. I just need you to understand that this isn’t about the money for me, it’s about my client’s health. And if I think that I endanger that, I reserve the right to quit without notice.” It’s something she told all of her clients, so far she hadn’t had to quit, but she emphasised it with Moira. Felicity had the feeling she was the type of person to try to give her a raise to get her to stay.  
“That’s fine, thank you Miss Smoak.” Moira hung up.

Felicity pulled her skirt off, swapping it for a green dress. It was smart enough to make a good impression on Moira Queen, while being comfortable enough that she didn’t feel awkward and stiff.

She arrived at the Queen mansion quickly and was let into the foyer. Moira was there to meet her. “Miss Smoak?”  
“Yes, that’s me. Miss Smoak, Felicity.” She shifted under Moira’s gaze and thought that maybe she should’ve dressed up fancier.   
“Follow me. Oliver is awake.” Felicity followed Moira up the fancy wooden staircase and down the hall.

Moira knocked. “Oliver, can we come in?” She asked.  
“Yes.” Felicity heard a male voice reply. They stepped into the room, Felicity slightly obscured by the Queen matriarch.   
“I thought I told you shower.” Moira said. Felicity took the room in. It was empty of personal items, there was only a photo frame with a picture of Oliver and another man the same age as him, a friend maybe. She might’ve guessed boyfriend, but Oliver Queen was notoriously heterosexual.  
“I did.” He said.  
“Oliver, this is Felicity Smoak, the veteran companion.” Felicity took that as her cue. Moira stepped aside and Felicity stepped forward, looking towards the bed. 

She expected, from what Anna had told her, that he would be thin and pinched. He would have long scraggly hair and a ridiculous beard. But he wasn’t anything like she had pictured. Oliver Queen was the most handsome man she had ever seen, far more handsome than he had been five years ago when he had disappeared. She sort of hated herself for thinking it. 

Moira left. “It’s nice to meet you Oliver.” Felicity was nervous. She wasn’t meant to be attracted to her clients, even if it wasn’t a done deal yet. They shook hands and she felt his comforting warmth settle in her palm, even as he dropped her hand. Oliver shifted back.

They were talking about Felicity’s job. Oliver seemed unconvinced. But after meeting him, Felicity was convinced. She could be convinced enough for the both of them. 

He hadn’t eaten. His breakfast was sitting by the bed, only half an orange eaten and a few grapes. “Hey, do you mind?” She nodded to the food. “Your mother called me earlier and I didn’t have time to eat.”  
“No, by all means.” Oliver lifted the tray and set it on the bed in front of him, Felicity sat down on the other side of it. She ate one of the slices of toast. “You’re not what I expected.” He said.  
“Is that a bad thing?” Felicity asked, hesitantly.  
“No. I didn’t really have time to expect anything, but whatever it was… it wasn’t you.” Oliver scooted forward and started to eat without realising what he was doing.

Felicity smiled. Both at his words and him eating; it worked every time. “Why do you barricade your door?” She asked, trying not to sound judgy.  
“You noticed that? I’m trying to keep them safe.”  
“You’re afraid of what you’ll do?” She asked, keeping her voice level.  
“Not while I’m awake. But I’ve made a habit of attacking people in my sleep. I don’t want to hurt anybody.”  
“Maybe that’s not the whole reason though.” She said, sensing more to the story.  
“You’re something… I’m trying to protect myself too. It’s a routine I developed on the island.”  
“That makes sense.”

Oliver looks down and notices that the food is all gone. “Sorry.” He said. “I didn’t realise I was hungry.”  
“That’s okay.” Felicity smiled at him, glad that he had eaten.  
“So, hypothetically, if you were to be my veteran-not-veteran companion, how would that work?” Oliver asked.  
“I would be like a nagging friend, that’s usually how I do it. Not it, but…” She started to ramble but then cut herself off before it became too embarrassing. She looked at Oliver but he looked amused. “I’d remind you to eat, to take care of yourself. And then we would eventually set up a plan for the future. A job, a support network. Things like that.”  
“I think I could deal with a nagging friend.” Oliver slid down the bed a little, his feet under the covers pressing into Felicity’s thigh as she sat on top of the covers. 

They kept talking for a little while about Oliver’s family. Their expectations of him now that he was back, and how much he wanted to get back to them only to find himself lost once he got back.

Felicity understood a little of what he was going through, she had seen it before in almost all of her clients. They go off to war idealistic young boys and return hardened, damaged men. They are always completely different which their families don’t seem to understand.

Felicity could see Oliver’s attention on the conversation waning. He was blinking slower and his head had slipped down onto his pillow. “You look tired, so I’ll leave you to take a nap.” She said, standing up.  
“It’s only…” Oliver turned to look at the clock. “Noon.”  
“Sometimes it’s okay to take a nap during the day, especially if you have trouble sleeping at night.”  
“Will you come back tomorrow?” When he asked it, Oliver sounded far more like a little boy than he had for the whole visit.  
“I will.” Felicity assured him and then left the room. As she was walking down the hallway, she heard the scraping of furniture which she assumed was him moving the chest of drawers in front of the door.


	3. Oliver

Oliver had been awake for a few hours. He hadn’t slept well. But he felt an excited buzz at the thought of Felicity coming by again. He didn’t know why he felt that why, he couldn’t explain it, but he did. 

Despite the anticipation, he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed. He wanted to, but he didn’t have the energy. Everything seemed so difficult.

Oliver was still in bed, hungry and unwashed but he was hopeful. Felicity made him want to talk again. She made him want to try to live. 

He started to think about the green dress she had worn, the memory making his lips twitch. She couldn’t have known his favourite colour was green. And it was impressive how she had tricked him into eating breakfast. He hadn’t even realised what had happened until a little while after she had left.

He had hope again and it was in the form of a beautiful, blonde companion. 

Maybe she would be able to get him ready for saving the city, for donning Yao Fei’s hood and going after the people on his father’s list. It would take months for him to be ready, Oliver wasn’t in any kind of state to be running after criminals with a bow and arrow like he had planned. But with Felicity’s help, he could get there.

He laid in bed for ages before he heard the knock.

“Come in.” He said, voice a little croaky from disuse. Raisa walked in.   
“I have your breakfast and your Felicity.” She said, setting the silver tray on the table next to him. Oliver started to cough loudly when Raisa referred to her as ‘your Felicity’. Felicity rushed out from behind Raisa and over to Oliver.   
“Are you okay?” She asked.  
“Yep…” He coughed again. “Sorry, dry throat.” He lied.  
“Here.” Felicity took the glass of orange juice that was on the tray and handed it to him. Raisa slipped out of Oliver’s bedroom quietly as Oliver drank the juice. “Better?” Felicity asked.  
“Much.” He smiled.

Felicity took a seat on the bed facing Oliver. She raised an eyebrow when he moved the tray to between them where it sat the day before. “I assume you’re about to say you haven’t had time to eat again.” He said.  
“Well… you caught me. I woke up late, was in a rush.”   
“You aren’t a good liar Felicity.” Oliver said. She reached down and picked up a slice of toast and started munching on it to spite him. He chuckled and then froze.  
“What’s up? What did I do?” Felicity asked.  
“Nothing. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve laughed.” Oliver said, solemnly.  
“Sometimes” She started cautiously. “the veterans I’ve worked with have said that they forgot that they could laugh or smile because they hadn’t in a long time. But they can. And it’s okay to.” Felicity said, reaching out and laying her hand over Oliver’s on the bed. He turned his hand over and Felicity started to pull away, thinking she had gone too far. But instead, he intwined his fingers with hers and squeezed her hand a little.  
“Yeah.” He breathed out. Oliver knew he didn’t really need to say anything else because she, unlike Moira or Thea or Raisa, understood.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments until Felicity spoke again. “So, are you a sports fan? You seem like you would be a sports fan.”  
“I am. Baseball.” Oliver nodded, still holding her hand.  
“Go Rockets.” Felicity said and Oliver smiled.  
“I haven’t watched any games recently, or well… in the last five years. But I used to go a lot with my dad. And sometimes we would let Thea tag along. It was nice.”  
“Have you ever thought of going since you got back?” Felicity asked.  
“I’ve thought about it, but I wouldn’t want to. It was our thing. But we can’t have a thing because my dad is dead and I’m mostly dead.”  
“Oliver…” Felicity said, feeling the pricks of tears forming.  
“It’s fine. I am mostly dead right now. I’m not living but I’m not dead.”  
“You can’t see it like that.”  
“How should I see it?” There wasn’t any venom in his voice, only curiosity.  
“You’re getting better. You’re healing and we just have to take this one step at a time until you are okay enough to get out and get back to your life.”  
“Mostly dead.” He repeated.  
“This is only a temporary gig for me.” Felicity tried to change the subject.  
“What?”  
“I’m trying to start up my own cyber security firm, been working on a few things the last year or so by myself.”  
“That’s impressive.”  
“Yeah, I’m hoping that I’ll only have this job and maybe another one before I can hang up my metaphorical hat and jump into Smoak Technologies. Are there any dreams you have that I could possibly help you with?” She asked, not as sneaky as she had been with the food.  
“I don’t want to live here.” Oliver said, guilty covering his face.  
“That’s unsurprising.”  
“Why?”  
“Because this is where you were Ollie Queen, but you aren’t him anymore, you’re Oliver. You shouldn’t have to live in Ollie’s shadow.” Felicity was a marvel. She put into words what he was feeling perfectly.  
“Could you help me find an apartment?” He asked.  
“Of course.”  
“With two bedrooms.” He said pointedly.  
“Sure.” Felicity smiled at him.

Oliver and Felicity both move to sit against the headboard and Felicity pulls her laptop out of her bag. They start with basic google searches about apartments in Starling City. And then they move on to particular real estate websites.

They must’ve gone through almost every available apartment in Starling City. Raisa had brought them up a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and homemade tomato soup. It was always Oliver’s favourite as a boy. He smiled at her when she brought the tray in. And maybe she saw a flash of the cheeky twelve year old Ollie she remembered.

Oliver and Felicity narrowed the search down to a loft and an apartment near the Queen mansion after they ate. Felicity made a note of the contact details for the real estate agent. They were both listed on the same website with the same agency so that was helpful. 

The planning slowed at about four in the afternoon. Felicity was getting bored of staying in bed all day and she could see that Oliver was close to falling asleep. He hadn’t left his bed, but he was planning for the future which was progress. 

She closed her laptop, sending the room into mostly darkness, the curtains were pulled and the lights were turned down. “I should head home, we’ve gotten through a lot. We can look at the apartments tomorrow if you want.” Felicity said, turning to Oliver on the bed.  
“Yeah, that’ll be nice.” He said trying not to yawn. She smiled.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow Oliver.”  
“Bye Felicity.” He said and watched as she stepped off his bed and left with her bag.

Once she was gone, Oliver got up and slid the chest of drawers across the door again, he was exhausted. He climbed into the bed and fell asleep quickly.

He’s having a nightmare. Oliver knew it was a nightmare even as it was happening because he killed Slade Wilson. The same Slade Wilson that was currently holding Felicity off the ground by her throat. “Don’t you dare hurt her!” Oliver yelled, trying to take a step forward but not able to move his feet. Slade didn’t say anything as he smirked at Oliver’s feet.

Oliver looked down. His feet were buried in concrete. He couldn’t move them at all. Oliver tried desperately reaching for Slade and Felicity, but they were both just out of his grasp. “How about we make it so that you’re connected forever?” Slade said maliciously. Oliver had no idea what he was talking about, but sighed a breath of relief as Slade let Felicity fall to the floor. 

But then he wished he could take it back. A knife appeared in Slade’s hand. Felicity was restrained on the forest floor of Lian Yu. Oliver’s shirt was gone but he still couldn’t move. Slade studied him, taking in Oliver’s bare chest. And then, with screams from both Oliver and Felicity, Slade replicated all of Oliver’s scars onto Felicity’s body.

She was pale, unmoving and covered in blood by the end of it. Slade had gotten particularly creative for the shark bite with a shark tooth necklace that he sharpened.

Felicity was lying on the dirt, her blood soaking into the earth making it appear darker. But Oliver knew that she wasn’t just unconscious or sleeping. Felicity had an unearthly stillness. She was dead. And it was all his fault.

If he had just made sure that Slade was dead or if he hadn’t gotten involved in her life, Felicity would still be alive.

The concrete disappeared and Oliver fell next to Felicity. He cradled her body, covering himself in her blood, and he screamed. Crying out for any kind of help.

It didn’t take long for him to wake up after that. His face was wet and he had scratches on his calves. He must’ve tried to scratch at them to free them from the dream concrete.

Oliver was too shaken. He knew he wouldn’t be getting back to sleep, even though it wasn’t even midnight yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not saying that Felicity is weaker than Oliver for not surviving the things that he did. Just that if all of the wounds had happened at once they would’ve killed anyone, including Oliver. Also, it was a dream, so it’s fine.


	4. Felicity

Felicity gets to Oliver’s bedroom a little after ten the next morning. She was wearing jeans and a striped short sleeved top with a comfy zipper over the top.

But as soon as she opened the door, Felicity knew that they weren’t going apartment hunting today. Oliver looked awful. He was pale, eyes half-lidded and wrapped up like a burrito in his blankets. Felicity dropped her bag onto the floor and climbed onto the bed next to him.

It was only then that Oliver noticed her presences. “Hi.” He said softly.  
“Hey.” Felicity smiled at him.  
“I can be ready in twenty minutes.” Oliver said.  
“Let’s just watch some films today.” Felicity said and Oliver sighed in relief, nodding his head.

She switched on the TV and loaded up the Netflix app. “What do you feel like watching?” She asked, scrolling through the categories. “We could watch something funny, something action-y or a documentary.”  
“Action-y?” He repeated.  
“Yeah, action films, action-y.”  
“Let’s go with that.” Oliver said, turning on his side to watch Felicity who was concentrating on the TV. 

She scrolled through to the action films and put the first one on, she had no preference and it looked like today, neither did Oliver. After a little while, Felicity zipped up her hoodie and slid under the blankets that Oliver wasn’t hogging. 

It was nice. Having a day where they didn’t have to go anywhere or be anyone. Felicity knew that it was far different from what Oliver was used to, living in the mansion. And she couldn’t remember when the last time she had spent the day in bed watching movies was. Not in at least three years. Not since Diggle.

Half-way through the second film, Raisa knocked at the door. She had two mugs of hot cocoa for them and several packets of candy. Oliver smiled up at her and she winked. “Just don’t tell Mrs Queen.” Raisa said. 

Moira had a thing about candy in the house, candy was for children and Oliver and Thea weren’t children anymore. And yet Raisa still hid their favourite candy through out the cupboards in the kitchen where Moira would never look. 

Oliver opened the package of red cherry Twizzlers and handed a couple to Felicity. “Thanks.” She said without taking her eyes off the screen.

Their next visitor was Thea. She knocked loudly on Oliver’s door around four in the afternoon, she must’ve just gotten back from school. “Come in.” Oliver called.

She threw the door open, filled with energy and smiled widely at him. “Raisa said you have candy.” She said and then dived onto the bed on the other side of Oliver, stealing the package of Hershey’s Kisses. “What’re you watching?” Thea asked when she noticed the movie playing.  
“It’s one of the Mission Impossibles.” Felicity answered. “I’m not sure which one, but we’ve seen at least two. But they could’ve been out of order.”  
“Cool, can I join you guys? That’s okay right, me hanging out with you?” Thea asked worriedly, thinking that maybe Felicity was more like a therapist than her mother let on. Although from where she was sitting, Thea thought that Felicity bore zero resemblance to a therapist.  
“It’s up to you.” Oliver looked at Felicity.  
“It’s fine by me. But I think one of us needs to make a soda run, we’re all out of cocoa.” Felicity said.  
“I can go.” Thea was all smiles ago. “I know where Raisa stashes the best soda.” She sped out of the room.  
“I used to call her Speedy.” Oliver said fondly, watching his sister leave.  
“Yeah? That seems appropriate.” Felicity smiled.

They watched the movie, waiting for Thea to come back with the drinks. Felicity laughed when she did. Thea brought back four large bottles of Coca Cola, Orange Soda, Lemonade and Dr Pepper. “Is it not enough?” Thea responded to Felicity’s laughing.  
“It’s plenty.” Oliver said, shuffling closer to Felicity to make room for his sister.

For the rest of the film, all Felicity could think of was how close he was. Their shoulders were touching and she could feel the heat from his body all down her side. 

She shouldn’t be thinking of him like that, he was a client, he needed her help. But she couldn’t help it. He was by far the most handsome man she’d ever seen and he knew it too, despite his vulnerability at the moment.

Oliver seemed calmer and less disturbed than he had this morning and Felicity was glad she had gone with her gut and decided to do a movie day instead of forcing him to leave the house to look for apartments. She wasn’t quite sure why he was that bad this morning, but she would figure it out.

They’ve moved past the Mission Impossible series and onto the Fast and the Furious series of films by the time Thea falls asleep. Felicity doesn’t even notice it at first, Thea doesn’t make a sound, but Oliver does.

He carefully stands up, trying not to jostle his sister, and then he lifts her into his arms gently. “I’m gonna take her to her room.” Oliver whispered to Felicity. He left the room, leaving Felicity alone. 

She started to gather her bag, slipping on the shoes that had found themselves on the floor. And then Oliver came back. “Where are you going?” He asked, shoulders slouching.  
“Home, I thought you could use some sleep.” Felicity said letting her bag drop down onto the bed.  
“Can I talk to you?” Oliver asked, his body subconsciously blocking the door.   
“Of course.” Felicity took a step towards him.  
“I had a nightmare last night.”  
“Okay.”  
“It…” Oliver took a breath. “It was about you. I have these nightmares almost every night and every single time someone I care about dies. Last night it was you.” Felicity took another step as Oliver was speaking. She grabbed his hands and held them tightly.  
“Tell me about it.” Felicity led Oliver over to the bed where they sat down next to each other. He nodded and swallowed before he spoke.   
“I couldn’t move and you were standing in front of me. A man started cutting you with a blade. He was trying to copy my scars. And I watched as he kept cutting until we matched, long after you were dead.”  
“I’m sorry Oliver. Your scars, can I see them?”   
“They’re ugly Felicity. I wouldn’t want you to see me like that.”  
“Like what?”  
“Damaged, broken, scarred.”  
“I don’t want to force you into this, but I could never see you as broken.” Felicity said honestly.   
“But that’s what I am Felicity.” His voice was wavering, heavy with emotion. She could tell that he was trying hard not to cry.  
“No. You’re not.” She said quietly. “You’re a little roughed up, that’s all. But you survived.” She gripped his hand tightly. Oliver smiled with tears in his eyes. He shifted back, letting go of Felicity’s hand and pulled his shirt off over his head.

She watched as he bared his chest, and his soul to her. 

Large scars marred his chest, covering almost all of the blank skin. Felicity ran her eyes over his chest and took in all of the pain and anguish he had been through in the past five years.

“Stay. Please.” Oliver said, a frightened look on his face like he expected Felicity to look at him in disgust and never come back.  
“Of course.” Felicity nodded.  
“There’s a spare room across the hall. You can sleep there.” Oliver said. Felicity nodded and stood up.  
“Goodnight Oliver.”  
“Goodnight Felicity.” She grabbed her bag and headed for the spare room.

The room was huge, much larger than her own bedroom. But Felicity was exhausted, and so she stripped down to her striped shirt and underwear, and climbed into bed. She was asleep within seconds.

Soon after she was woken up. Felicity wasn’t sure what woke her at first, but then she heard it again. Someone was screaming out like they were in the worst pain imaginable. She could hear the desperation and the hurt in their scream.

Felicity shoved the covers off and ran out into the hall, following the sounds. It was coming from Oliver’s room. Felicity tried to open the door but it wouldn’t budge. She sucked in a breath and then rammed her shoulder against it. 

The door opened a little, moving the chest of drawers forward slightly. But it was enough. 

Felicity climbed on top of the drawers and jumped down, now in Oliver’s room. He was thrashing about on the bed, his screaming much louder and more harrowing now she was closer to him. 

She knew that the one thing she should absolutely not to was touch him, so Felicity called out his name as loudly as she could. She kept shouting, trying to get through to him until his screaming stopped. Felicity wasn’t sure how long it took, but his eyes opened. “Felicity?” His voice cracked and it looked like he didn’t believe she was there.  
“It’s me. I’m here. Can I come closer?” She asked, desperately trying to stop herself from reaching out to him.  
“Just give me a minute.” He sat up in the bed, his hands were shaking as they laid on the covers. Oliver was staring at her. He looked exhausted. 

His hands stopped shaking after a little while. “Can I hold you? I think I need some contact.” Oliver asked nervously. Felicity didn’t hesitate to climb onto his bed and wrap her arms around him. 

Felicity stroked Oliver’s hair gently until his breathing calmed down. And then his muscles relaxed and he pulled them both down to the bed. “Stay with me?” He asked again, so quietly Felicity almost missed it. But she didn’t. She nodded and allowed Oliver to wrap his own arms around her and pull the blankets over them both.


	5. Oliver

Oliver woke up with his nose buried in golden hair. His nose twitched and he pulled his face back. But then he remembered the events of yesterday, and last night. He felt much calmer after having a good night’s sleep, the nightmare aside.

He didn’t want to move. Oliver didn’t want to wake Felicity and destroy the fantasy he had built up of them in his head. She wasn’t his girlfriend. And she wasn’t there because she wanted to be. Felicity was there because he needed her to be.

But she wasn’t awake yet, so Oliver indulged his fantasies and let himself hold her.

Felicity was colder than he was, her freezing toes were sandwiched between his calves but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when she was so real under his touch.

She shifted in his arms, humming lightly as her eyelids fluttered open. “G’morning.” Her voice was thick with sleep and it made Oliver smile.  
“Morning.” He said, moving his face away from her neck. “Sorry.” He said as he started to peel himself away from her. Felicity made a noise of protest and she grabbed Oliver’s arm and pulled it back over her.  
“You’re warm.” She said.  
“Okay.” Oliver smiled, moving back to where he had started his morning.

Oliver waited another ten minutes before he spoke again. “I want to look at the apartments today.” He said, his breath against Felicity’s neck making her shiver.  
“Yeah?” She asked sounding more awake.  
“Yeah.” He nodded a little.  
“You got any coffee? I’m dead to the world until I’ve had at least one cup.” Felicity asked.  
“I’ll go get you some. You want anything to eat as well?” He asked, not realising what a huge step he was taking leaving his bedroom.  
“Just coffee, thanks.” Felicity realised it though, but she didn’t want to make a big deal of it in case he hadn’t realised yet.  
“Milk and sugar?”  
“Nope, just black please.”  
“I’ll be right back.” Oliver slid out from the bed. Felicity shivered where her skin met the cold air. Oliver had to move the drawers the rest of the way to be able to push the door open. 

He heard his mother’s voice in the kitchen. “Oliver?” She asked. Moira looked more than shocked to see him standing somewhere other than his bedroom. “What’re you doing up?”  
“Felicity wanted coffee.” Oliver said, the anxiety building up steadily.  
“Raisa just made a pot.” Moira nodded to the full coffeepot. “What are your plans for the day?”  
“Felicity and I were going to go apartment hunting.” Oliver took a mug from the cupboard and poured out the hot liquid.  
“You’re moving out?” Felicity was a better influence than Moira gave the girl credit for.  
“I am, as soon as possible. If you’re not okay with this, you’d better get okay with it.” Oliver warned her.  
“I just didn’t think you’d want to leave home. It’s such a big home Oliver, if you’re worried about Felicity she can move into one of the guest rooms. Raisa’s here to take care of you, and Thea will be upset.”  
“This isn’t about Felicity. This is about me. I need to not be reminded every second of the boy that died on the Gambit.”  
“Oh.” Moira’s eyes became glassy.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“No, I understand. I didn’t think. I believed it would be better if your room was preserved as it was. Obviously I was mistaken. I hope you find a nice apartment today.” Moira said before slipping out of the room. 

Oliver lifted the mug and headed back to his room. He handed the coffee over to Felicity. “Mmm, thank you.” She smiled brightly.  
“Do you need to borrow some clothes or something? For today.”  
“I have a change of clothes in my car. I’ll go get it once I’ve finished my coffee.” Felicity said.  
“Okay, I’m gonna-“ Oliver pointed to the ensuite bathroom. Felicity nodded. 

Oliver took a shower and got dressed. He didn’t like the tightness of the clothes compared to the pajamas he had been wearing for weeks now. It wasn’t uncomfortable for him, just a little awkward. 

Felicity reappeared, knocking on the door, wearing a purple sundress and sandals. She smiled at him. “I’ll drive.” She said.

They see the regular apartment first but when they get to the loft, Oliver knows it’s the one. He put a downpayment on it almost immediately after the tour. It had two bedrooms and was the perfect match of urban and modern whilst still being homey. 

Felicity seemed to agree with him if her smile was anything to go by. “Do you need any help packing up your stuff?” Felicity asked him when they were in her car again, the loft keys in Oliver’s hand. He was turning the keys over his fingers.  
“No, that’s okay. It’s mostly just clothes. Do you need help?”  
“I’m fine by myself. Most of my belongings are packed up already, a side effect of the profession.”  
“Right. So this is it.” Oliver said, not wanting to part just yet.  
“Unless you want to go for lunch. I’m pretty hungry.” Felicity said, having the same thought as he did apparently.  
“That sounds great.” Oliver smiled.  
“Big Belly Burger?”  
“Sure.”

It didn’t take long at all for them to arrive at the fast food restaurant. Oliver thought he could do this. He thought he could be normal for just one day. Waking up with a woman in his arms, buying an apartment, going out for burgers. But it was too much.

He started to breathe quicker. His hands started to shake a little. His eyes darted across the room, looking for assailants.

“Oliver?” Felicity’s worried tone broke through the panic. “Are you alright?” They were standing at the counter, waiting to order.   
“It… it’s a lot… of people.” He said between breaths. Oliver was starting to feel lightheaded, seeing dark spots in his vision.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think. We can go home if you want.” Felicity looked guilt ridden.  
“No.” He managed to say, despite his instincts telling him to run. “We should get the food… and then go home.”  
“Okay, I’m really sorry.” Felicity slid her hand in Oliver’s and then turned her attention to ordering their food. 

Oliver gripped onto her hand as tightly as he could without hurting her. The screaming of children in the corner and the chatting of everyone else was pounding at his head. 

He lifted the hand that wasn’t attached to Felicity and pushed two fingers against his temple. A headache had formed. The pressure hurt but it was a good hurt, it made him want to push harder. 

But then Felicity had two brown paper bags in her other hand. And she dragged Oliver out of the restaurant. 

The tension within him eased slightly when they were separated from the noise and the movement. Felicity led him over to her car and they sat in silence for a while. 

She didn’t turn on the radio and she didn’t start the car. “My apartment is only ten minutes away. It’s quiet there. Or do you want me to take you back home?” Felicity said once Oliver seemed to have his breathing under control.  
“Your apartment.” He said. 

When the radio turned on automatically, Felicity switched it off and turned off the air in the car that was loud also. It appeared to be working, Oliver felt less panicked and like he was likely to run.

Her apartment was nice. It was small, but it was her. Small knickknacks and photos littered the surfaces. Oliver smiled and took a seat on her couch. Felicity passed over his lunch and they started to eat.

It was quiet. Oliver wondered how a tower block apartment could be this quiet, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything but eat.

Felicity rose from the couch, throwing their trash away. “I’m gonna box up the rest of my stuff. Can you entertain yourself for half an hour?” She asked.  
“Sure.” Oliver nodded, slurping down the rest of his soda as he watched Felicity disappear behind a door that he assumed led to her bedroom.

Oliver stood up and began to snoop. He looked at all the photos, most were of Felicity at random stages of her life with an older blonde woman, probably her mother. Some were of a group of girls celebrating; the inscription on the frame said ‘Caitlin, Iris and Felicity’. Oliver smiled. Felicity looked so carefree.

And then he found a photo of her, maybe a few years ago, with a muscular black man in army camouflage. Oliver’s breath stopped because that man must be her reason for putting her life on hold and doing this job. He was most likely dead. Probably an ex-boyfriend. 

He didn’t want to pry anymore, feeling angry and upset with himself for stumbling upon something so personal. So Oliver headed back to the couch and flicked the TV on. He turned the volume down and shifted so he was laying down on the couch.

The soft tones of the person speaking lulled him to sleep. And soon he was snoozing gently against the bright pink pillow.


	6. Felicity

Felicity hated to have to wake him up. Oliver had been sleeping peacefully for the last hour while she made sure she had everything that she needed packed up.

She moved around to the other side of the couch, turning the TV off and crouching down by Oliver’s head. “Oliver.” She said, not wanting to touch him. “Oliver.” His head turned suddenly and then he was sitting up. Felicity thought she’d never seen someone move so fast.  
“Sorry.” He said.  
“Don’t worry about it. I wanted to know if you’d like me to take you home, so you can go back to sleep.”  
“Actually…” Oliver started.  
“What is it?”  
“I’d rather just stay here, if that’s okay.” He said nervously, fiddling with his fingers.  
“Sure, you wanna take the bed?” Felicity asked surprised. But it made sense, he didn’t like staying at the Queen mansion.  
“I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed.”  
“That’s okay. I was going to work on some of my tech for Smoak Technologies.”  
“What if you came with me? It seemed to work last night.” Oliver said quietly. Felicity guessed he was embarrassed about asking for help.  
“Okay.” Felicity nodded and stood up. She reached out her hand for Oliver to take. He did and then he pushed himself off the couch. 

Felicity guided Oliver to her bedroom, still holding his hand. She grabbed her tablet and settled into the bed on the side furthest from the door. Oliver dropped her hand and climbed into the bed next to her.

He watched for a moment as her face was lit up by whatever she was doing on the tablet, but eventually his breath evened out and he fell back to sleep. Felicity kept working until she yawned and then she set her tablet aside and scooted down the bed, falling to sleep just as quickly.

A phone ringing is what woke her. Well, actually, the phone woke Oliver and Oliver’s moving woke her. 

Felicity reached out and grabbed her phone off the bedside table. She answered. “Miss Smoak?” It was Moira.  
“Hello Mrs Queen. How can I help?” She asked feeling awkward. It was bad enough talking to Moira Queen over the phone but it was made ten times worse because Oliver was wrapped around her back rubbing circles into her hip. She could tell he was listening in to the phone call.  
“Oliver isn’t home. Do you know where he is?” She asked sounding a little erratic. Felicity understood. Until yesterday Oliver hadn’t left his bedroom, and presumably Moira had gone in to check on him but he was gone.  
“Sorry, he’s with me. We got back to my apartment after he signed for the apartment and he fell asleep.”  
“As long as he’s safe. You said he signed for an apartment?” Moira sounded less erratic and more excited now.  
“Yes, he chose one he liked and didn’t want to wait.”  
“That’s great news. I have to head to work now, but I’ll see you both later?”  
“Of course.”  
“Goodbye Miss Smoak.”  
“Bye.” Felicity hung up and set the phone back down on the beside table.  
“It’s too early.” Oliver groaned into her shoulder. Felicity looked at the clock. It had just turned seven. She agreed with him, it was too early.  
“Go back to sleep.” Felicity smiled. She closed her eyes and let herself be enveloped in Oliver’s warmth. 

His arms were surrounding her, keeping her safe. Felicity didn’t hate it. She relaxed back and felt as soon as Oliver fell back to sleep. The tension left his body and his breathing softened. Felicity allowed the sound to soothe her back to sleep.

The next time Felicity woke up, she was laying on her back and Oliver was next to her, arm holding his head up. Oliver was staring down at her. “What?” Felicity asked softly.  
“Nothing, you’re just really beautiful.” Oliver said as quietly.  
“Easy there,” Felicity smiled, shifting a little to look at Oliver. “I haven’t had my coffee yet, I could look like a horrifying troll or something.”  
“You don’t.” Oliver said, mouth turned up into a smile.

They both laid in bed for a little while, staring at each other. Felicity traced the outline of Oliver’s body that was highlighted by the sun coming in from behind him. Apparently they had changed positions in the middle of the night and she was the one closer to the door. 

He was still wearing his T-shirt and jeans from the day before and she cringed at how uncomfortable he must be. She’d once fallen asleep wearing jeans at MIT after writing code all night and she woke up with indentations of the stitching. “You probably want something more comfortable to wear.” Felicity said at the same time as Oliver said “You want some coffee?”  
“Sorry.” Felicity said. “Clothes?” She asked.   
“Sure.” Oliver nodded appreciatively. 

Felicity pulled out some old sweatpants of Cooper’s that she didn’t have the heart to get rid of, also they were comfy as hell, and an MIT oversized shirt she thought might fit Oliver. She passed them over. “I’ll be in the kitchen making coffee.” Felicity said before leaving Oliver to it. 

After drinking half a mug, once the coffeepot was finished, Felicity riffled through her cupboards. She didn’t often eat breakfast but she knew that Oliver needed to build up some of his weight and muscle mass again. There were eggs in the fridge. She pulled them out and started to make scrambled eggs. It was pretty much the only thing she could make, but Felicity knew her eggs were good. 

Oliver appeared while she was cooking the eggs. “Are you ready to pack your stuff up and move into the loft?” She asked when she saw him.   
“I think so.” He said, bowing his head when Felicity slid over a plate of eggs for him. She made a plate for herself and then sat down next to him.

Felicity watches to make sure Oliver eats all his food and he knows what she’s doing but neither of them mention it. “It’ll be easier to take my boxes over to the loft and then head over to your house to collect your stuff, otherwise we’re just going to have to come back here.” Felicity said, washing up their plates.

She showered and got dressed while Oliver loaded her boxes into her car. Felicity locked up her apartment and then they drove twenty minutes to their new apartment.

They unloaded the boxes and Felicity let Oliver choose which room he wanted, seeing as he was paying and it would still be his apartment after she moved out. They moved the boxes into Felicity’s room, she noticed that he gave her the bigger closet and she smiled once he left the room. 

And then they headed to the Queen mansion. Oliver was quiet in the car, Felicity could tell something was up but she didn’t feel like questions would be welcomed. When they got to Queen mansion, Oliver didn’t seem to want to get out of the car. He sat there for ages after Felicity had turned off the engine outside the house.

“You wanna talk about it?” Felicity asked when they hit the ten minute mark.  
“Not really.” Oliver said.  
“Do you want to head inside?”  
“Not really.” He repeated himself.  
“We can sit here until you’re ready.” Felicity said.

After another fifteen minutes, Oliver sucked in a breath. He reached for the car door handle and stepped outside. Felicity followed suit and walked a step behind him as he walked up to the front door.

He seemed nervous. But it didn’t take long for them to pack up all of his belongings. Most of them were clothes, but there were a few photos he wanted to take with him. 

Felicity sat on his bed and they ordered some furniture to be delivered to the loft. Oliver paid for expedited delivery so most of it would be there that evening. 

Thea was hanging around in the doorway, waiting for them to notice her. “Thea?” Oliver dropped the shirt he was folding onto the bed. He walked over to his sister.  
“Mum said you were moving out.” Thea said.  
“I am. Are you okay with that?”  
“Will it help you get better?” Thea asked.  
“It already has.” Oliver said honestly. Felicity tried not to listen in but neither Queen was lowering their voice to stop her from overhearing.  
“Okay.” Thea sniffed.  
“Hey hey hey.” Oliver reached out and pulled Thea into a hug. “Don’t cry. I’m not gonna be too far away and I’ll come visit all the time, and you can come visit too.”  
“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to go Ollie.” Thea cried into Oliver’s neck. He stroked her hair and shushed her.  
“It’s okay, but I have to do this. Sorry Speedy.” Thea stepped back and nodded, her eyes wet with tears. “I’ll see you in a few days.”  
“Okay.” Thea stood there for another minute and then she left.  
“Are you alright?” Felicity asked Oliver.  
“Yeah. I didn’t realise how difficult this would be.” Oliver said.  
“You all packed up?” She changed the subject.  
“Yep.” Oliver swung his duffel over his shoulder and waited for Felicity to gather her own things.

Moira wasn’t home yet, so they left a message with Raisa saying they would see her within the next few days. Oliver was almost as upset to leave Raisa as he was to leave Thea. But Raisa smiled and said that she was glad he was trying to get better.

They unpacked Oliver’s boxes and duffel bag into his room, and waited for the furniture to be delivered. For the hour before it all arrived, they were sitting on some of the sturdier boxes. Felicity decided to order some Thai food because they hadn’t been shopping yet and didn’t have any pots or pans to cook.

They both sat on the floor in the empty living room, eating using the chopsticks the restaurant had provided and drinking tap water from mugs Felicity had brought with her.


End file.
